Since I've begun this path, there has been a fair amount of adapting to this travel/work lifestyle. Obviously I'm going to school and working out of town for long periods of time, so it takes some time getting used to coming home in short bursts and integrating back into "home mode" for sometimes only days. But there's a whole other side of things on the family front that I haven't really been privy to. My wonderful wife recently spent some time to write about the past year and learning experiences as a mariner's wife.
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| The family... |
"Just as this has been a year of learning and new experiences for Mike, this has also been a year of learning for me. As one would expect the first few months were the toughest. They were BUSY – I was figuring out all kinds of things. Schedules, school pick-ups, how do you turn on the sprinklers? Is 9 too young to handle a weed eater? Is tonight recycling or green waste pick up? How do I make coffee? (don’t judge J) It was a physical sort of busy as well as mental. I felt like an air traffic controller wearing a blindfold. I knew the schedule of the “regular” things I had been doing, but all of the new stuff was buzzing the tower and I was just trying to keep things from crashing. Then Mike came home and I got a break. Whew! I made it. Then Mike left and I was directing traffic in a blindfold again. This time though some of the “new” things were actually already in my mental schedule. I had fewer items flying around in the dark. (oh, I do love a metaphor and yes, I will wring it out). So each time he came and went fewer items were flying around in the dark. Now, at a year, I feel like I can handle most things and the tower buzzes are fewer and farther between. Wait; is it wrong to use an airport metaphor on a sea blog? Oh well, whatever.
Not only have I learned to manage all the day to day household stuff. I have also learned a great deal of other things that are helpful in balancing our new lives:
• I freely relinquish extra duties when Mike comes home. I do not need to hold on to “my schedule” when he is home. When he is home we adjust and the schedule is ours – it is different from when he is gone. I don’t try to fit him into our routine. It just doesn’t work.
• Free time when you are on a boat is different than free time when you are home. He lives in a small space with the same few guys. He doesn’t have the daily duties of household stuff but he doesn’t have the daily rewards either. He doesn’t see the kids or hear about their day, watch them play basketball or check out a new skateboard trick.
• There is no cellphone signal on the water. The ocean isn’t really part of the AT&T coverage map.
• I am not a “single parent” when Mike is gone. I am in a loving and happy marriage and WE are raising our children together. Mike happens to travel for work a lot but his role as a parent or partner is not diminished.
• Never underestimate the power of compassion and empathy
• Loneliness happens at home or away and whether you are busy or bored. It is missing the ones you love, not how you are spending your time.
• Kids are much more excited about mowing the lawn if you let them use the riding lawnmower (wish I’d have learned this earlier rather than later)
• Towboating does not = cruise…ever…there are no shore excursions, no extra sightseeing opportunities, no open bar or dinner buffet.
• Having nothing to do on a Saturday when Mike is home is an awesome way to spend the day. Having nothing to do on a Saturday when Mike isn’t home kinda sucks.
• Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
So it has been a year of learning for both of us. Mike has an ever growing binder of Certificates. I can now juggle 2 kids, 2 dogs, a full-time job, housecleaning, minimal yard work, training for a ½ marathon (+ a full marathon in a couple of months) and make a pretty good cup of coffee. We are getting there!"
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